Are you in this moment or stuck in the past?

Who you were is part of who you are, BUT who you are is not who you were.

So many times we have struggles relating with each other because one, or both parties, are not living in the moment. We can be stuck judging each other on the past instead of dealing with who is in front of us right now. We all expect to be seen for who we are, but so many times we can’t allow ourselves to do this in return.

Our relationships have history. There are things that have occurred over time that have created obstacles in our ability to stay current. That thing said or done in the past that we can’t let go of is stopping us from allowing us to deal with the person in front of us as who they are right now. We have our own unresolved issues that are holding us back. So much of this is a trust issue.

It is hard to believe in positive change or growth with some people. Again, we expect people to give us the room to grow, shouldn't we return the respect? Trusting people have changed, grown, evolved… it all is a big risk. The person may be saying they changed and pretending on the short term. We may be hurt again, or maybe not? Maybe the person did change their ways? Maybe we are stuck in the past, afraid of being hurt?

My rule is to trust people until they give me reason not too. I have been hurt before and come back around to be hurt again, and I have come back around to be pleasantly satisfied. I won’t keep coming around if the person keeps hurting me, but I tend to give people a few chances. Why do I do this? I don’t like being hurt, I like to believe in the potential in all people. It takes quite a bit for me to cut that cord. If my relationship with someone diminishes my ability to make progress in my own life, that cord is getting cut. I am not hurting me to enable anyone.

I have made my mistakes. I lived a long time misunderstanding so many things. I have made lots of changes and I do feel I am a different person today than not too long ago. I understand that some people may be wary of me due to my past self, I understand I may have hurt people that have not gotten over my actions, and I understand that nobody owes me any second or third chances. All of this has given me empathy towards others that allows for me to be more open to trying things again. I am asking you to give me a chance, I must do the same for others as well.

We all make mistakes and we all deserve a chance to be better than we once were. We can live in fear of trust in order to avoid pain, but in doing this we truly are avoiding the positive potential that can come with trust. I believe there is more positive potential than pain in our lives. The more we embrace this, the further we all can move from pain and get to progress. Don’t isolate yourself or diminish your potential due to fear. Give people a chance and make analytical decisions based on today instead of judgmental ones based on yesterday.

Brian Wright