Because I write about the struggle does not mean I have overcome it. I am as filled with doubt and as scared as any of you. I have not mastered life and I do not pretend to be an expert. I am a person that writes, speaks, and coaches his way thru the struggle. I strive to move forward a little closer to an answer I know will never come. I keep moving forward, sharing my experience because I need the connection and I hope to provide some insight that helps someone, anyone feel connected as well.
We are always in a period of transition. We are not the same from one moment to the next. Right now I am in the middle of a greater shift than average for me. This time is filled with beautiful ideas and opportunities which need work to become concrete realities. This ambiguity created by opportunity not yet fulfilled creates opportunity for doubt and fear to ramp up their presence.
I was really tired yesterday, working on a few hours sleep after a fun night at the UFC and a long drive home at 3 am. My son jumped on me at 6 am and my 35 week pregnant wife was in nest mode. I was beyond tired, my defenses were down, and the demons creeped in.
I could have lost myself in doubt and this weird depression I woke with. I could not define where the feelings were coming from. Was it fatigue, or was it something else? We can fall into a weird trap where we act as if we sense something not there. I was simply tired and over stimulated after a night of live fights. I could have said the universe is trying to tell me something, I could have given into the feelings and went deep into a dark place where the imagination creates obstacles. I fought my way out and enjoyed my day with the family. We got things done and spent quality time together. I fought thru the negativity and embraced the positive things I have in my life.
The things I felt yesterday are still a ghost in the background today. I still struggle to let the doubts go. The doubt sits in the background trying to pull me off my path, to fail… it is crazy how much safer failure feels than the alternative at times. Failure requires we stop, success demands we keep going. Stopping is easy and it is what out mind wants when we are tired or faced with big tasks. I am in control of me, so I choose to keep going, to be uncomfortable, and to take on whatever challenge that comes my way.
We all share this common experience. We are human, this struggle is us. How we deal with the challenge is what makes us unique. I implore all of you to fight harder, to recognize that most of our fears are not based on reality, and that the struggle is not something to fear, it is a beautiful thing that allows for us to do the hard things that make us better.